Wednesday, July 1, 2009

When the going gets tough...don't go?

All of my life I have this issue with anything that is difficult for me...that is I find it incredibly frustrating. It derives from my strong desire NOT to have people see me fail. Instead I will throw myself into those activities in which I excel. This started in Kindergarten when we were learning handwriting. At which, I was awful. Apparently (according to my mom) I had "taught" myself to write already and was not holding my pencil the correct way. Rather than listen to Mrs. Kemp, I chose to keep on holding my pencil incorrectly and still do to this day. Although this was quite a while ago, I believe I did not want my fellow classmates to see me struggle. Even at age 5, I was a stubborn little bugger!
This trend continued on into my later schools as well. In Middle School when my "Advanced Math Class" was difficult,rather than working past it... I simply switched into the regular and focused on subjects in which I was more gifted. Again, I did not want my classmates to see me stuggle with the advanced math concepts.

In high school, I was an okay soccer player (and played JV in 9th and 10th grade). My Junior year, I quit playing soccer. I was worried I would get cut, because I did not believe that I was skilled enough for the Varsity team. So...I switched to something I was good at-Cross Country. The same scenario occurred with softball, when I switched to tennis.

Now today, as an adult I am facing a similar situation with my summer job. It is hard and I am not that great at it. For my "regular" job, I am a teacher which is something that comes naturally to me. Serving does not. Yes, I realize that serving is not exactly brain surgery, but I find it to be a challenge. I constantly find myself asking for help (usually from my fellow crew members who are about 5-7 years younger than me-which is hard in itself). Finding the right buttons on the computer is excruciatingly hard. I cannot figure out how in the world to carry 4 plates BY MYSELF at once. Every time I attempt this, I worry that I will drop every body's meals on the ground. Figuring out my tips after a shift is equally annoying. Oh, and the other day, I completely forgot to put in an order for a bacon cheeseburger. Luckily the cooks totally helped me out, but I felt SO incredibly stupid. This is diffidently a job that is a struggle for me. I do not feel that serving is a gift or talent I posess.

I could have just taught summer school again; doing something that is naturally easy for me-teaching kids. However, I feel that now that I am an adult I should know what it feels like to do something that is difficult and learn from it. Which is exactly what I plan on doing this summer. Wish me luck!


  1. You are such a go getter! You have always been so good about working in the summer. Good luck with your new job, I bet your customers lover you!