Monday, December 9, 2013

Confessions of a (temporary) SAHM

Wow! Where did the time go? It is already December and I head back to work in one month. Crazy. The following are thoughts, feelings, realizations and events from my short tenure as a "Stay at Home Mom."

1) Some days I wished I could be at work. Some days I wished I didn't have to go back to work. Most days I wished I had the opportunity to work part-time so I could have the best of both worlds. I am also dreading going back due to the new teaching standards and myriad changes to evaluations and testing for kids- but that is a different blog post entirely!

2) I found myself having long conversations with any adults I encountered in public- baristas, checkers at the grocery store, the mail carrier, etc.

3) On more than one occasion, I instructed Teddy (our Westie) to "watch Andrew" while I folded laundry, went to get the newspaper or emptied the dishwasher. Yeah, because Teddy is a reliable baby-sitter.

4) I am sort of miffed that I have to return to work right when Andrew is getting to such a delightful age! He is sitting up, smiles, laughs, and is generally happy. Instead I was mostly with him when he was a gassy, fussy newborn. However, I am glad I was the one to comfort him during this time.

5) Teaching prepared me, in some regards, for being a mother. I was already used to not being able to use the restroom or get food when I wanted. However, unlike teaching, there is no "plan period" where I can regroup and get ready for the rest of the day. Before I had a baby, I assumed that was what naptime was for. Wrong. Unless I never wanted to shower or clean. Or just lay on the ground.


6) Motherhood has also brought about the annoying trait of ALWAYS thinking I hear Andrew crying. Sometimes he actually is. Usually my ears are playing tricks on me. Also, why is it that men seem inherit the ability to turn a deaf ear to crying? At night, I will wake up when I hear the little man and Adam will be sleeping away peacefully.

7) Confession. I might be the worse housewife in the world. For the first 4 months I was home, I (maybe) cooked dinner a handful of times. I am a bit more organized now, but still find that run out of time, forget an item from the store or just don't feel like it because I would rather play with Andrew. Same goes with cleaning. I actually hired a woman to clean a couple times a month. I figured that I only have a limited time to stay home, so I might as well make the most of it.

8) I am terrified I will have a difficult time balancing work and home. It will be like I have two jobs and I worry that I wont be able to do both well. Also, although it might sound selfish, I worry about having time to myself. When will I work out? Go to the dentist? Or when can Adam and I go out by ourselves? I worry I will feel guilty about leaving Andrew/won't want to leave him because I will not be around him as much. Working moms- any tips would be greatly appreciated!

9) Growing up, I never really pictured myself as a "mom." In fact, when my sister and I played with dolls, we were always "teachers" and the dolls were our students. Now, I cannot picture myself not being one. It is amazing how someone so small can change your whole life.