confessions of a working mom

I wrote a blog entry previously about my (temporary) "Stay-at-home-mom" status. Since then, I have ventured back to work. Without a doubt, I can squelch any debates about which role is more difficult- they are EQUALLY difficult. Both jobs require multi-tasking, decision making and attention. I feel fortunate I could stay home for the first eight months, but am a slightly bitter I had to go back when he really started getting to a fun (non-newborn) stage.

With that, here are my Confessions of my new "mom" role as a working mom:

1) I never realized how guilty I would feel about going anywhere or doing anything for myself outside of the work day. Before I had Andrew, I had full intentions to continue Crossfit, maintain my bi-weekly pedicures and catch "happy hour" with friends often. Instead I run a mile on my way home from work, my nails are chipped and we usually just take Andrew to the local Mexican place for dinner.

2) The good part about working is that I truly did miss the social interaction. By social interaction, I mean discussing things besides babies with other adults. However, since I am a teacher, this occurs  maybe an hour each day. The remainder of the day, I communicate with middle-school kids.

3) Since I work with kids all day and then am a mom at home, I am almost always on. By this, I mean there is little room for down time. You really cannot just kick back and relax around preteens or 9-month-olds, or disastrous things could happen.

4) There are times when I feel I am doing both jobs only half-way. That I am not doing the best I can do at teaching or being a mom. It is a struggle to do both well. I used to come into work early and stay late, but now I would rather get home and play with Andrew. At the same time, when I come home from work, I attempt to fit an entire day of play and fun into a few hours before bedtime.

5) Never in my life did I imagine I would be so tired. All the time.

6) It is nice to get dressed and wear nice clothes again. Although, I have decided that I no longer have a desire to sport dress pants any longer. Jeans and a top with a blazer/cardigan is good enough. I also realized I had not really gone shopping in about two years and that all of my clothes were out of style. Thank goodness for online shopping!

7) Some days, I wish I could quit my job and stay at home full-time. Other days, I am excited by what I do and the fact that I am helping other children. I am thankful for the fact that I have summers off, and that one day, I will have the same schedule as Andrew. For now though it is difficult. Teaching is not a flexible job. I cannot decide to work 4-day weeks, come in late or take off early.

8) Everyday, I worry about what I am missing Andrew do during the day. What if I miss his first step? What if he no longer is excited to see me when I come home? Although I complain about being tired, I secretly enjoy that he wakes up early enough that I can play with him for a couple hours before I go to work.

9) Although I am working, I am glad that Andrew is with his dad for most of the day. They have really bonded since Adam has been home with him more. The girl we have as a nanny several days a week is excellent and I am grateful that a friend recommended her to us! This makes me feel (a little)bit better that I am not there with him.

10)  I miss taking Andrew to Little Gym and the baby story hours at local libraries. It is great seeing him interact with other babies and have fun at the gym. Every Friday at 1:30, I REALLY wish my job was flexible and I could leave and watch him there. It sucks and often feel like there is not enough time in the day.