Fifty Shades of...Twilight?

If you are a woman, unless you have been living under a rock, you have most likely heard about "Fifty Shades.” This past week, I read the first book in the "Fifty Shades" series..."Fifty Shades of Grey" partially because I was curious to discover what all of the buzz was about and because it is our current Book Club selection. Since the book has received so much press, I felt I was prepared to handle whatever racy scene the author threw at me.


What I was not prepared for was BAD writing. About one hundred pages in I began to realize this book shares many similarities with another series I despise- Twilight. It was as though the author simply substituted "S&M" and lots of dominant (and weird) sex for the Vampires in "Twilight." Both are "forbidden" and yet Bella and Ana cannot resist their charms.

First of all, the female protagonists in both books have zero personality and nothing at remarkable about them. The authors go out of the way to describe exactly how plain and ordinary they are. Bella and Ana are what literary experts would label as a "Mary Sue"due to the fact they lack any qualities that takes them out of the one-dimensional mode. This is done so the readers or the author can easily insert themselves into the story and become the character (because the character could really be anybody).


In a failed attempt to give Bella and Ana some dimension, they have (gasp) divorced parents, including an absent mother and a father who is caring, but also lacks personality. Since this is never really explained or developed it does not work to add interest to either girl. Despite the "Mary Sueness" of Bella and Ana, they have a flock of male admirers, including men who could really have anybody they want (Edward and Christian).

Speaking of men, in both series the leading men are borderline stalkers. Edward shows up at Bella's window and "flies" around the world to see her. Christian creepily appears at the bar in South Carolina where Ana has gone to visit her mother. And is either of the girls worried about this behavior? No, instead they become obsessed with these stalkers and unable to make any decisions for themselves.


Another pet peeve of mine in both "Twilight" and "Fifty Shades" is the redundant conversation and word usage. Stephanie Meyer repeats (many) times that Edward "sparkles" while EL James writes in excess about Christian's eyes. Also, Ana says "Oh Crap" about twenty times throughout the novel during her many annoying monologues. The book is also full of big words where a simple word would have sufficed. I found this incredibly annoying, as though Meyer and James circles "Dead Words” and used a thesaurus to replace them-something I have my sixth-grade students do.

I am truly not knocking either author, because obviously they figured out what readers want (hence the incredible popularity of both series). I get "Grey" is supossed to be an "erotic novel" and not taken too seriously and honesty that aspect of it did not bother me in the least. However, there is no denying that both books lack the character development needed to hold my interest. I did not care what happened to Bella or Ana and as with "Twilight" will not be reading the rest of the series.

School is out and it's a sort of a buzz...

Yesterday was the conclusion to my 8th year of teaching middle school. Pretty good considering 50% of all teachers quit before their first five years, right?

 As far as school years go, this was a decent one- nice kids, new and improved solution for the special education students and some changes made to how we run ASB. That being said, I am still relieved to have a break.I think teachers look forward to summer WAY more than students do and I am fairly worn out from the end-of -the-year festivities.

 Last October, I began a Masters degree in Literacy (online), some of time will be spend writing papers, but mostly I am going to try to relax. I know this sounds simple, but I have some real issues with relaxing.

Take what has already occurred today for example:

 I awoke at around 8am (with NO alarm-amazing) and decided to head to a yoga class. What could be more tranquil  than yoga? After some deep breathing and stretching with (mostly) retired women (who were in surprisingly good shape), I left feeling invigorated. And proud of myself for actually being able to lay still during the deep breathing at the end of class.

The plan was to take Teddy for a walk, maybe do some baking and look at my homework assignment for the week. When I headed out the door of the yoga studio, rain pelted my face. Great, there goes the walk.

So what did I do? Proceeded to go home and begin cleaning...my ENTIRE HOUSE. See, I cannot sit still. It is not that I enjoy cleaning, but after a few minutes of watching "Sex and the City" I felt the urge to move and do something. Anything. Even clean.

As I am writing this post, I am wondering if my lack of ability to chill out is really an issue? After all, it certainly assists me a great deal in my career (one needs to be alert at all times when dealing with teen-agers). Also, who could spend an entire summer watching old re-runs on TV?

Instead I need to fill my summer with activities I enjoy and try to keep busy.

 I am going to make sure I have plenty of meet-ups with friends, weekend (or mid-week) getaways, some mini-adventures and a myriad of books to devour. In essence, I would like my summer to resemble the ones I read about or see depicted in the movies (if only we had a summer share in Hamptons). 

Not every job allows for six weeks of vacation, so I am determined to not take it for granted and truly make the most out of it this year.

It has been awhile

So long in fact, that now "blogger" has a whole new format! I decided to "go back to school" (online) and now the thought of looking at a computer screen makes me dizzy. Couple that with the fact that this is my most hectic month of school, I have not had time to post.

This post is titled, "My Confessions" because, well...I heard that Usher song and thought it would also make a stellar blog. Also (if you couldn't tell) I have tendency to craft #'d posts. So here they are...my confessions for the moment:

1) Sometimes when I have not showered, I put on workout clothes to run errands. I figure this way, people will at least think I was up early doing something productive. Plus, even though many people in Lynnwood hit up the grocery store in PJ's, I do not want to be one of them.

2) Even though I am an English teacher, I cannot stand many of the "classic" novels. Sure I read them in high school and college, but I mush prefer a good Jane Green book!

3) Sometimes, of the most difficult parts of my job is refraining from swearing in front of the kids. There are days when I just want to say, "Are you effing kidding me?" However, I am reminded of an incident in 5th grade when my teacher (Mr. Cronk) yelled "Oh shit" when Nate Ellison broke his hobbit figurine and how I was scared of him for the remainder of the year. This memory causes me to select a more appropriate phrase.

4) I religiously watch and enjoy many shows created for teenagers. You know the ones on ABC family. "Pretty Little Liars" and "Make it or Break it" to name a couple. They actually have an interesting plot and are NOT reality shows or CSI-type shows, which seem to be the only ones made for adults lately.

5) Speaking of TV, in order to keep up with the reality show gossip at lunch, I simple tune in to "Talk Soup" with Joel McHale and I am set. Really. He condenses the best moments of a week's worth of television into a neat half-hour segment. Plus, he is hilarious.

6) The NBA playoffs are the most annoying thing ever. They last for about three months. Why don't they make it quick, like March Maddness? Maybe then, people would actually care about them. And no, I am not just bitter because the Sonics are gone.


Well...I am now noticing this new "blogger" does not come with spell check (at least not that I can fins), so please ignore any typos in this post. That is another confession of mine...I am an English teacher who not only dislikes the classics, but also cannot spell.

Random Thoughts on Thursday

There is a blog I suscribe to where the poster does a weekly post titled "Thirteen Things Thursday" and this is my take on her idea...

1) Those stickers depicting family members (you know, the ones on the rear-window of people's mini vans) annoy me and are slightly creepy. If I ever get a set of Adam, myself and Teddy...please feel free to remove them from my car. Sorry in advacnce to any readers that may have these...particularlly the Disney ones.

2) Lately, I have been feeling too "adult" and have the urge to vacy to either a) Las Vegas or B) Pullman... if you think about it, the two are really quite similar. Dry and Hot in the summer. What happens there, stays there. Cheap drinks. Delicious food options.

3) Grey's Anatomy is actually getting good again. More focus on the cases, less on the drama of the doctors.
4) There are not nearly enough options of mid-heel shoes for women, as most pairs are super-high (4+ inches) or completely flat.

5) I have decided I truly despise going to school...which is odd, considering that I work in one.

6) Everyday I am grateful I do not have a job where I have to sit and stare at a monitor for 8+ hours per day. This is something I should remember on days in which I want to rip my hair out!

7) Several years ago I ran a half-marathon. Peopel often ask if I have plans to run a full. The answer is no. My ADD was in full effect during the half and I couldn't fathom my mind lasting through double that.

8) For the last few months, I have been on the hunt for a flattering pair of colored skinny jeans. I have decided they do not exist...at least not on me.

Well, this is what has been on my mind lately. More updates next week.

"The Hunger Games" movie analysis (warning: contains SPOILERS)

In class right now, my students are working on "comparing and contrasting" as a way to deepen their thinking. In the spirit of this learning, I would like to do the same with "The Hunger Games" - movie vs. book.

We all know most novels are superior to their movie companions and "The Hunger Games" did not waiver in this regard. It was excellent, and certain scenes displayed flashes of brilliance, but it could not hold a torch to the original.

Here are the things I wish would have been included in the movie (warning- spoilers):

- The hob should have been featured for longer than one minute. The set designers did an incredible job depicting it and I felt it warranted more air time.

- The MOCKINGJAY pin! AHHH... so annoyed with how this correspondence took place. I get they had to show the love Katniss had for her sister but I feel this may cause issues with later movie adaptations (where Madge plays a more significant role). Also, the significance of the MockingJay was NEVER explained in the movie. So, while readers of the book would know, other viewers would not. But, I guess this is their problem as they should have probably read the book first.

- The cornucopia is looked way too "star wars-y" and silver. Also the whole cornucopia scene with Cato and the mutts at the climax??! I know they needed to speed things up... but they left out some important details (like the mutts having the eyes of the dead tributes- a passage in the book that left me with goosebumps).

- No bread from District 11. Instead they show a riot/rebellion. While this does aid in the picture the trilogy makes later on, I think it would have been fairly easy to add the bread in.

- Peeta was TOO nice and caring in the movie. In the book, Katniss does not trust him for quite some time and he is a bit more "sneaky and mysterious." Also, when he joins the careers, there are only those kids from districts 1 and 2, when district FOUR is also supposed to be a career district.

- Lastly, while I get the shaky camera was to make us feel we were moving with Katniss, I think it might make some people feel nauseous and dizzy. Very "Blair Witchish"


What was OUTSTANDING in the movie and did justice to the novel:

- All of the clothing worn by the Capital citizens... I am already getting some Halloween costume ideas!

- Jennifer Lawerence did an amazing job playing the protagonist (Katniss). She seemed bad-ass, yet also like able and modest at the same time.

- Woody Harrelson's "Haymitch" was spot on! Exactly how I pictured the mentor of District 12. Although, I would have made him add a few dozen lbs or wear padding.

- District 12 was also just has I envisioned it to look. Very much like the current state of the Appalachian Mountain towns are today.

- The use of the game makers and Caesar Flickerman to explain things going on in the games. In the book, this all is done through Katniss' monologue and I was wondering how they would convey these ideas in the movie.


All in all, this movie earns 4 out of 5 stars from this viewer for its stellar acting, costume/set design and likeness to the novel. However, I strongly recommend reading the book (all three) before watching the movie. Whenever I attempt the reverse (move, then book) I am not able to create the images of what I see in writing in my own mind. Instead, I allow the movie version to take over during the reading- making it a less enjoyable experience.

Also... I already have my "Effie Trinket" costume planned out for Halloween this year!
Happy Hunger Games... and may the odds be ever in your favor.

I'm back...sort of

For all of you (by ALL I mean two)wondering "hey, Allison has not posted anything for a while" allow me to fill you in with my whereabouts. I have been in my den. Working on my classes for my Master's degree in Literacy. Not the most exciting excuse in the world, but it does zap a majority of my energy for writing.

Every so often, an idea for a blog entry pops into my mind... and then I realize I have a paper due or a discussion post to write. What I present to you today is a mishmash of random thoughts, questions and happenings that have been entering my mind as of late:

1) In a desperate attempt to hold on to my youth, I have been a faithful viewer of the show "Pretty Little Liars" on ABC family. Tomorrow, "A" will be revealed! I have not been this excited for a season final since Beverly Hills 90210 (the REAL one) featuring Mel and Jackie's wedding. So excited that I have even joined the Facebook group for the show, along with the other (mostly teenage) fans.

2) This is my 2nd year doing Crossfit and I decided to enter the "Crossfit Games" which is open to all athletes. Each week there is a new workout and scores are posted online. Currently I am ranked 2000 something in the world which I thought was fairly decent... until I discovered a woman who is THIRTY WEEKS pregnant is way ahead of me! Still though, I have surprised myself with my strength and ability over the last few weeks, especially during one workout where I had to "snatch" 75lbs!

3) I have a new reading obsession that began back when it snowed in January... The Hunger Games Trilogy. I actually finished the books in three consecutive days and I did not want the third one to end. Unlike the Twilight books, these feature a STRONG female protagonist with an actual personality.

Usually I am not a fan of Sci-Fi/Dystopian literature and gravitate toward historical or realistic-fiction, but these books have converted me temporarily. Hopefully the movie (which I plan to see this Friday) does the books justice.

4) Even though it snowed today, I am very much looking forward to spring. Sandals and open-toed shoes, bright printed skirts, colorful pants and new sunglasses. I love spring and summer fashion, no matter how briefly the seasons may last here in Washington. Not to mention the outdoor happy hours, taking Teddy on walks in the late evening (when it is still light out) and running outside without a fleece on!

5)Since heading back to school (well, virtually anyways)I have come to appreciate the easy time I had when in high school and college. It is clear to me know that I took this all for granted when I was younger. Working 50 hours per week and THEN having to do homework directly relating to said job is not my idea of a good time. Hopefully it will all be worth it in the end when I earn my pay raise...

I would love to write more, but I have been starring at the computer screen for over four hours today to write a paper on incorporating vocabulary into Instruction. Riveting, I know.

I know, I know... I despise everything that is popular

Before you say, "wait, she hates all things currently trendy and popular" let me begin by informing you I did just read all three "Hunger Games" books and loved them (although the first one was definitely the best) and those are VERY trendy and popular.

Now that I have let you in on that fun fact, I will say it...

I think "Pinterest" is completely idiotic.

I, like everybody else, tried out this new networking site. I even "pinned" and "liked" the links, fashion and recipes people had posted. And, as you read on a previous blog post, I did enjoy the "sock bun" idea from one Pinterster (sp?).

However, I found that I could not really get into the whole concept behind this website. After about 10 log-ins, I was bored. I tried my best to enjoy Pinterest, but just could not succumb to its grasp.

After tackling with the cause of this for some time, I have come up with the top TEN reasons why we just did not click:

1) Pinterest is basically a giant google search narrowed down. It is true. Everything people so creatively post on Pinterst can be accessed by googling a subject or idea. I guess it makes it easier to find said things and track them, but isn't that what your favorites are for?

2) I am never actually going to be able to afford the outfits featured on people's boards. Those are runway outfits... nobody can buy them in real life.

3) DIY projects are so not me. I would rather save the time and buy the item from a local artist and support my community. Not to bash on people who can recreate these DIY projects. I am in fact jealous, but I have discovered I am better off leaving these projects to those with true talent.

4) I forget that i have anything on my boards. For example, there was a delicious recipe for a cake on Pinterest. I "pinned" it to my imaginary board. And there it remained. When I wanted to bake said cake, did I return to the site and search for it on my board? No. I simply googled it. There is was. Super easy. Another reason why google kicks a%$!

5) I don't want to read people's captions about each item on Pinterest. Mainly because I forget to write my own and then it looks like I wrote the comment. This can be especially detrimental when the previous caption-writer is a moron.

6) Wouldn't it just be better to read a craft/style/home blog or go on etsy? Or Tumblr?

7) People post random quotes. This reminds me of high school, when I would write quotes all over my binder. Why would anybody want a random quote on a pretend cork board?

8) There are TONS of beautiful home decorating ideas on Pinterest. However since I do not live in A) a huge mansion b) a log cabin or c) a beach home, these ideas would all look ridiculous in my 1300 square foot townhouse. Not to mention, I cannot afford a $10, 000 couch. Sure. It is fun to look and get ideas, but again...isn't that why search engines and blogs exist?

10) The whole I idea one has to be "invited" is, in my opinion extremely juvenile. I have not heard of anybody denied membership to Pinterest. Perhaps if they were more exclusive, it would interest me to a greater degree? Maybe a test and initiation of sorts?


In conclusion, I really did want to LIKE Pinterest (just like I attempted to do with the "Twilight" series). However, I have decided I would rather waste my time in more productive ways. Like playing "Words with Friends" on Facebook...