Happy Father's Day! Or...Sh*t my dad says (and does)

Hi there. Long time, no see (or write). The reason? Well, as all of my teacher friends know, the end of the school year is quite a busy time. Plus, Adam has been using the computer for work...leaving me with only my phone to post from, which I have decided takes WAY too long!

I have had this post in mind for weeks now, however. Longer actually. Since my "Mother's Day" post, I knew I also had to honor my dad with a blog entry (although he will never see it, since he has not yet picked up on "The Facebook" of online blogs...one of things I LOVE about him)

So, this is a list of humorous things my dad has said, done, or taught me throughout the years! Love you dad... We will begin with things he has SAID.

1) "Hit the fish over the head!" (said to me prior to me having a nervous breakdown over having to kill the fish. And, ironically, fish if one of my favorite dishes. I just could not stand to actually slaughter the little guy myself.

2) "Stay away from the Alderwood Mall. It is full of fat people in vans trying to find close parking spots." This is a CLASSIC line from my dad. But...as blunt as he might sound...he was correct. The mall WAS in fact full of fat people, trying to find close spots. Thanks for the warning pops!

3) At L.A. Fitness last year: "Hey Allison, do you know ____________? (as he is introducing me to a teenage boy)He goes to Jackson High School and plays baseball there."

Dad...if I KNEW this 17-year-old boy, I would hope you would be HIGHLY concerned, considering that I graduated from Jackson over 10 years ago!

4) "I think it is fine that Teddy is spoiled. Dogs are supposed to spoiled and played with. They are NOT just pieces of furniture." Finally, somebody condoning the fact that we have a very spoiled puppy!

Now...sh*t my dad has done...

1) Once again...at LA Fitness, in front of a sign reading "please keep your shirt on. No cell phones" I glance over and notice my father wearing NO shirt and talking on his cell phone! Classic!

2) My dad despises when people are late...but what is funny is that he is often late himself! When I call to say I am arriving late, he cracks jokes about how I am always late...completely ignoring the fact that he is also late the other half of the time.

3) Saying things TOO loudly is another trait my dad has. While this is sometimes funny, other times it is embarrassing. He will say things like, "boy is that server stupid" loudly enough for the server to hear. I swear, when I am with him at dinner, we probably get our food spit in half the time.

Important Lessons that my dad has taught me (besides to stay away from the mall):

1) My dad always encouraged me (and my sister)to be athletic and competitive. I thank him for the fact that I can throw a softball (HARD)..like, not a rainbow throw. I also thank him for completely understanding the rules of baseball.

2) Never letting me use my size as an excuse. I inherited my height from my dad's side, but I never let it stop me. Even when I was cut from the Volleyball team, I still managed to play basketball for years!

3) To try to stay calm in all situations. I swear, I have almost never hear my dad raise his voice. He handled things rationally. One particular situation comes to mind where he had to pick me up from the Mill Creek Police Station (way TOO long of a story to explain here). Although, I did have to push his car up the hill in the snow...he still did not yell at me. Although, getting frostbite was most likely punishment enough!

4) My dad instilled in my to always be supportive of others. As I played MANY sport and participated in many activities throughout the years, my dad could always be found at all of them, cheering me on (or sometimes umpiring or coaching). When I switched from softball to tennis, I thought my dad would be disappointed. Instead, he came to as many of my matches as he could and complimented my playing, even when I lost!

So...dad (even though you will not see this)here is a toast to you and all of the little quirks that make you the father that you are!


Thanks!

Lessons learned...from my mom!

Since it is Mother's Day, I thought I would let my mom know all of the things that she taught me without knowing it. These were mostly things (like rules) that I would argue with her about (or roll my eyes at) when I was a teen-ager. At this time I, of course, thought that I knew it all and that my mom was clueless. However, now that I am "grown-up" I appreciate these little things and even (gasp) find myself trying to embed them in others!

1) Never leave wet towels on the floor, bed, or in the laundry basket for too long or they will get mildewy. I used to mock this rule and carelessly toss my towels all over the house. Now, I make sure mine are hung up.

2) Too much make-up will make you look like a prostitute. Okay, so I don't think my mom worded it quite that way when I was 11, but she did tell me that I was beautiful without make-up and to save it for when I really needed it. Looking at a photo of myself at age 12 after having a friend give me make-over, I can see she was right.

3) Stop laying in the sun covered in oil. Use sunscreen. Wear sunglasses. You will regret it when you are older and look all wrinkled. True. Totally true. Should have listened to that one!

4) Always make your bed, no matter how rushed or tired you are in the morning. It makes your bedroom just look a little more put together. Plus, it feels WAY better to get into a made-up bed at night.

5) Some of the kids you hang out with are bad news and will get you into trouble. I honestly hated when my mom told me this. I could make my own decisions. I didn't have to follow anybody. However, now I find dolling out the same advice to my 6th grade students when they have friend issues. And, my mom was right. Lots of the kids she was speaking of did turn out to be "bad."

6) Always wear your seat belt. My mom actually would refuse to start the car until all passengers were safely belted. I am actually surprised today just how many people do not buckle up.

7) Eat healthy foods, not junk. As a kid I despised my lunches. All of the other kids would get to enjoy cookies, chips and soda. Meanwhile, I would have a sandwich, crackers, an apple,and a fruit roll-up (the 100% fruit kind)with a (100%) juice to wash it down with. My family also never went to Costco to purchase pallets of muffins, doughnuts, or chips. We actually ate organic food before it was popular. Now I am glad that I was encouraged to eat healthy and still try to today. With the exception of ice cream of course!

8) You are not too short. Your feet reach the ground, right? After completely missing out on the whole "growth spurt" that my peers got around 8th grade, I would often complain about wanted to be taller. It never happened and my mom made me appreciate myself the way I am and to stop comparing myself to others. I may not ever model runway fashion, but I can bust out more double-unders than most people at my gym!

Thanks mom, for making me the person I am today, and I am sorry for not listening to your advice when I was growing up!

30 before 30

The other night, my friend, Kelly, told me about a book given to her as a gift prior to her 30th Birthday...called "30 Things to do before you are 30." Being that I myself am about to reach this milestone birthday, thought I would come up with my own list of 30 things I hope to accomplish or do before July 6th. I realized as I was coming up with things, that I had already completed some of them (those are in bold) Here it is:

1) Backpack through Europe
2) Get a puppy
3) Go on a Redhook Brewery tour- I worked there for several years, yet never once went on the tour.
4) Run on a beach (perferably someplace warm)
5) Visit my college town of Pullman and go to: The Coug, Sella's, The Bookie, Pita Pit, and Gamma Phi Beta (for a picture opp)
6) Have a night out in Seattle that is reminiscent of my 23-year-old nights out. This would include going to Chopsticks, Ozzie's, Pescos, The Ballroom, and perhaps Tia Lou's and the Red Door.
7) Going back to my roots-meaning my real hair color, which I have not seen since I was in Middle School.
8) Purchasing a house
9)Squeezing an entire tube of toothpaste into the sink. This was something I read about in a "Ramona" book when I was little...I have wanted to do this ever since.
10) Go horseback riding again. Have not been since I was younger.
11) Bake a cake with more than one layer.
12) Learn to change a tire.
13) Sing Karaoke
14) Fall in love and get married
15) Run a 1/2 marathon. No, I have absolutely ZERO desire to run a full one.
16) Randomly break out into a dance number like they do in the movies (perhaps a "flash mob"). I have secretly always thought this would be amazing!
17) Buy a ridiculously expensive purse for myself. Like, not one from the Brass Plum where I usually get them.
18) Get a tattoo...
19) Plant vegetables in my yard that don't die and are actually edible
20) Go Sky-diving. Kidding, that is DEFINITELY not on my list...the idea terrifies me and I could care less if I ever do this.
21) Go wine-tasting in Napa/Sanoma
22) Take dancing lessons (I guess I would have to get Adam to agree to this one as well)
23) Write and publish a book
24) Dive in the mud again. Have not done this since I played softball in high school. Will be able to check this off when I compete in the "Warrior Dash" this summer...it will be technically after my 30th, but only by a few days!
25) Visit my sister in the Big Apple
26) Rollerblade around Greenlake...and ignore the weird looks people give me
27) Purchase a bike and try to ride it places...maybe to Redhook to go on the brewery tour? However, I will not attempt to ride it on the streets. Trails or sidewalks only!
28) Go Kayaking. Again, preferably some place warm (maybe I could fit this in the same day I run on a beach)?
29) Go on an unplanned road trip
30) Keep setting goals for things I want to do/accomplish even after I turn 30. After all 30 is the new 20, right?

Reasons why I should be paid more (and be allowed to keep my National Board Stipend)

In the following week or so, these are the issues I had to deal with at work:

1) A student who is a potential gang member was expelled for threatening to stab another student in his math class. Said student was let back into school the next week (because he did not actually have a weapon) causing us to have to move the student who was threatened out of my class and into another.

2) I discovered that a group of girls in my class had essentially started a "fight" club and would meet to beat on one another in the restroom during their passing time. In addition, they would try to distract their math teacher, allowing them to do this in class as well. All of their parents are in denial that their "angels" would ever do such things, although the Vice-Principal has gathers a couple dozen witness reports from other students citing exactly what they were up to.

3) One member of the "fight club" group took things a bit too far, nearly strangling another member in the bathroom. I was the one who ended this fight and now the mother of the "strangled girl" is pressing charges against the other...completely ignoring that her own precious daughter had a very big part in the whole situation. Said mother is currently harassing me with emails, in attempts to now appear to be a caring parent who is involved with her daughter's schooling. I am guessing this is to prepare for when her and her daughter's character are in question during the hearing?

4) Oh, did I mention that the girl whose mother is pressing charges was suspended for 45 days for bringing a knife to school back in October? Yup, quite a model student.

5) Two boys in my class are now suspended for fighting before school. One of them ended up in the hospital with a broken arm. That mother is also pressing charges against the other boy, even though they were equally involved in the fight.

6) Because of all of the the suspensions, I was left with a class of only 21 students for two days last week. While it was nice, I am still expected to give these students the opportunity to make up any missed work. Oh, and I will also be judged on whether or not they pass the state test.

7) Tomorrow, I am getting a kid with major behavior issues in my class, because there were so many problems with the teacher of the class he was in. But don't worry, I am sure I can change his entire attitude even though his parents don't seem to make the effort.

8) Two girls that I have in my class forged notes as to get out of their Science class early and go home. One got out, the other note was caught by the office. They didn't seem to understand why this was a big deal.

9) Did you notice that I have even mentioned any challenges that have to do with actual "teaching?" This is because the actual teaching is the easy part.

10) I am still teaching amidst all of these problems. While all of this was occurring, we: Studied the Aztec and took a quiz (which every kid got an A or a B on), learned about the Literacy elements of theme and character, figured out strategies for reading non-fiction text, and used metacognition to think about reading.

With all of these challenges, I feel that I should definitely be allowed to keep my Board Stipend (which will probably cease to exist next year) as should other NBCT's. However, the "solution" currently in the works is to take away my stipend and add more kids to each class (since I am considered "highly qualified").

The question I have, and have pondered for a while is: When will we as a nation start holding parents more accountable? It is not my job to teach kids manners they should have learned at home. It seems like everybody thinks the schools are the way to handle any major problems with youth. Schools are where we try to change gangs, nutrition (school lunches), childhood obesity, family problems, friendship and social issues, and more...

Your kid is fat? Blame the school's and their "unhealthy lunches" and only "two trimesters of PE" without bothering to take a look at what they are eating at home and sheer number of hours they spend playing video games, rather than moving. Isn't it time to take a good hard look at why just turning to schools to solve all of our problems is NOT working.

All the pieces of the puzzle have to be in place to see any real change- Schools, parents, and the community. Right now, unless something changes, I have a real concern for the future of our county.

Although, maybe I can sue these parents for giving me wrinkles before I should have any?

The white hat trick

When I was in high school, there was this thing that my friends and I referred to as "the white hat trick." It was basically a theory that all guys looked better when wearing white hats (even better if they were backward).

Then, when the hats were removed, said boy could be completely average looking, or (gulp) ugly.

White hats, for some unknown reason, just caused the attractiveness of males to increase tenfold. Perhaps it was because they covered strange hair, an odd-shaped head, or a peculiar face (previously shaded by the hat).

Seriously. This theory tested to be true time and time again. In college, I discovered friends from other schools who also knew of "the white hat trick" and it's effectiveness to woo girls. It was being done all over the state...maybe even the country!

Alas, white hats went out of style when I was in college, replaced by a new trick...the "long hair trick" (I know, I am pretty clever with names).

In college, the "frat cut" finally went out of style and long hair became trendy. Long hair on guys showed that they were laid-back, carefree, and "different" (even though the majority of males thier age had the same style).

Instantly, men with longish hair were deemed to be more desirable and attractive.

Then, similar to the removal of the white hats, college boys might cut their locks for the summer- and reveal their true appearance. No longer could they hide behind their hair.

Today, the girls I teach site "skinny jeans" as a prerequisite for a boy to be "attractive" (perhaps a Beiber influence)? If a boy does not wear said jeans, he not considered cool by the female teenage population.

I sort of get the "white hats" and "long hair" as a way to hide who they really are...skinny jeans do not really fit this idea. Sorry guys. Nobody looks good in skinny jeans, even the Bieb. And they certainly do not hide anything either.

Maybe they will put away the skinny jeans when they learn of the "white hat trick" from their fathers?

I guess, the bottom line is, if we girls have make-up, push-up bras, and highlights, guys deserve to have some tricks of their own too?

Would you like socks and srunchie with those?

My first experience with a salesperson attempting to sell me additional items while making a purchase was at Nordstrom when I was nine.

I had finally saved up enough allowance and dog-sitting money to buy a new pair of Guess jeans (yes with zippers). As I counted out my money at the counter, the woman asked me, "would you like some slouch socks or a scrunchie with these?"

Caught off guard by this new (to me) sales approach, I mumbled, "yes" before realizing I only had enough for the stone-wash jeans. The scrunchie and socks would have to wait.

As I grew older, I realized this was a common tactic of sales people and I even practiced it myself while working in the student store in high school ("would you like a soda with your Otis Spunkmeyer cookies") as well as when I worked at Abercromie and Fitch ("perhaps some perfume with your ripped jeans?")

Usually, the items offered make "go" with the original purchase. However, I have noticed lately this is not always the case. See the following incident below:

Today, I decided a nice vanilla ice cream cone would really hit the spot after walking my dog. I cruised in the drive-thru and placed my order via the screen and waited for my total.

Instead the voice replied, "would you like some oatmeal to go with that?" Oatmeal? really? Not only does oatmeal NOT go with ice cream, but it was also three in the afternoon. Hardly oatmeal time.

"No thanks," I replied.

But the voice did not give up on me yet..." Would you like to try a large fry or a large soda with that?" Now I was just getting annoyed. If I wanted a large soda or large fries I would have ordered them. And again, neither really compliments a small ice cream cone.

Pulling up to the window, I retrieved my ice cream cone (sans oatmeal, fries, or a large soda) and drove off.

I did not go for the sales pitch, but my guess is many people do. My only objective is: if you are going to try to tag on additional purchases at least make sure they compliment the original.

Also, if I could go back to that day where I bought those Guess jeans, I wish I could have also purchased the slouch socks AND a scrunchie. Both of those go with the jeans much better than the oatmeal would have gone with my ice cream...

Not trendy?

For some reason, when something is trendy (or "on-trend" as Meaghan told me to say), I make an honest stab at trying to like it. This attempt usually fails miserably and I decide to stick with what I know and like. Maybe I am boring. Maybe I am not trendy. At least I am being me, and that is what matters, right?

List of my failures with pop culture:

1) Twilight. No, not the time of day. The books. The movies. Basically anything to do with this phenomenon. And yes, I did read the first book and could barely get through it. Worst writing ever. It sounded like how I teach my students to get rid of dead words. The author does not use "said" once. Not once. Really?

2) Skinny jeans...I just feel they make my legs look like pig legs. Half a dozen times, I have hit up the stores in pursuit of these jeans. I have tried both cheap and expensive ones- they looked equally disgusting. Big thighs, small ankles. Yuck. I did however buckle and go for a straight-leg option (necessary for tucking into boots).

3) Ballet-style flats. This is one trend I wish I could wear, but I need the heel height, and always feel I make others uncomfortable when wearing flat shoes.

4) scarves and long necklaces. Again, I really like both of these styles, but cannot seem to pull them off. Seeing others pulling together an outift with a big necklace inspires me to find one as well, but to no avail. Same with scarves. When I try to wear either, I look like a kid playing with my grandmothers costume jewelry, or they do not quite go with my outfit.

5) Most fantasy movies. My sister, Meaghan, will agree with me on this one. They just plain creep me out. The Never-Ending Story" is the worst (I became physically sick twice after viewing this one), followed by the "Lord of the Rings." The whole trilogy. For some odd reason though, I LOVE Harry Potter... go figure.

6) "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" series. Everybody was raving about it, so I put my name on the (100 or so person long) hold list at the Edmond's library. Finally got it last week. Read the first 150 pages and am bored and am choosing to abandon the book.

7) Gingerbread lattes, pumpkin spice lattes, Eggnog lattes, or any other holiday flavor for that matter. Each year, I attempt to try one after the initial excitement that they are BACK for the season and decide (year after year) ...my plain, boring Vanilla is much tastier.

8) Napoleon Dynamite. Yes, I realize I am taking you back a bit, but remember how popular this movie was? Back in 04' (or something) I was stoked to see it playing at the movie theater in Queen Anne. It was going to be SOOO funny. I was wrong. This movie was just kind of dumb. And the worst part was that for years people quoted every line from it, wore "Vote for Pedro" t-shirts, and acted out that dance scene. Since most people seemed to think it was hilarious, it kind of made me wonder, "maybe I am just not that funny?"

9) Gin and Tonics/Vodka Soda. It seemed that sometime in my mid-twenties, most girls switched from beer to these beverages of choice. I of course would usually order my usual champagne, but became curious about these new more "adult" drinks. Were they really delicious? One night I bravely ordered a Vodka Soda with LOTS of lime (I hate gin and tonic, so that drink was out of the question). I took a ship. Not bad...but not good either. Then, each sip became worse than the last. It took me quite a while to get that sucker down, and I was left with an awful taste in my mouth. Also, the whole time, I wished I had ordered champagne or beer. Now I know better.

I realize this list sounds rather negative, but there were also many trends I did enjoy quite a bit (New Kids on the Block, overalls, colored jeans, tall boots, pea-coats, and embarrassingly... wearing REALLY flared jeans). Maybe not liking the current trends today means I am boring? Or maybe it just means that now I am not afraid to go against the trends and find what I really like to wear, read, and watch...